he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
