He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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