So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
