I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
