one two three fourrrrnication!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
