mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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