i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i dont even know how to be here
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
