i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
cat food counts as protein by the way
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
