If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
