the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
