Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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