so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
