I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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