Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
