I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
