Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so let's talk penis.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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