I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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