Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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