Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
