Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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