Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
