I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
