Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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