My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
