connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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