Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
