Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
