Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All the doctor said was why
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
