to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
