I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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