If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
