According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
