I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
