Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
