I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
