I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
