fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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