It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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