i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
