Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
