i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
