That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
