Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
