I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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