I want to make a zoo with you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
