the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
