My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
