Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
