I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
