After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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