Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
