Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
