She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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